Keep it short stupid.

I don’t want to be too emotional for this post. I was able to make one a while ago (6 long paragraphs) but the browser hanged so I thought of it as a sign on not to make a long emo one.

I was in a uber bad mood a while ago… I wanted to graduate already so that I wouldn’t see those classmates of mine anymore. I even wished that one of them would die or encounter an accident. I wanted to forget about every bad thing that has happened to me for the past months. I hated it… this feeling. This stupid mood of mine! And the reason? Of course I knew why! Ano pa ba ang dahilan? But I still kept on wondering why I kept on getting these terrible mood swings. I didn’t know what went wrong. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t know what wrongdoings I’ve done to deserve this. I really hated the world at that time and once again, I was friends with Mr. Kutsilyo.

When I arrived home, I went bloghopping to remedy my temper. I didn’t know why but I decided to first visit and read my classmate’s blog. Lo and behold… a new post. And with that post I finally realized that the answers to my paranoid questions could just be found inside the Bible or could just be heard in last Sunday’s gospel.

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offence, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”

I recalled in our 3rd year retreat, we were also asked to change the “love” to our own names. At that time, I just laughed as I repeated that verse because I thought that it was pretty funny and silly. But just a while ago, as I tried to replace my name once again, I found myself dumbfounded… none of those words really described myself at that moment. I was not love… not even close!

So maybe that’s the reason why this things have been happening to me. I was the opposite of love…hate… therefore I was hated back. Sigh. Yun pala yun. This has been such a huge regret of mine. Well, it’s now very difficult to turn back time…but now, I want to change this attitude. I still have around a month left here in Pisay but I think it’s still not to late to turn a new leaf. Wala lang. I really, really hope that it’s not really late.

So yun lang. Ipinahiwatig ko lang ang isang mahalagang leksyon sa buhay ko. Salamat AJ sa post na iyon.


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