Past and Present

Before the real post, I’d just wanna say first that my blacksmith in RO is finally in level 98! Yay! One more level before the light! I do hope that there would be more modified EXP after tomorrow’s maintainance.

So this post would just be some sort of letter to 2 people, namely to the past and present. Labo.

Past

I’m glad that we’ve met again. Seriously. Though not really personally, I’m still happy that I’ve had the chance to talk to you after 4 long years. Of course you know that something did happen between all of us a long time ago. I never ever would forget those days. For me, it was the time I realized that I wasn’t a young girl anymore and that I must grow up and face reality… something like that. And I say with full certainty that it was you who really changed me back then. I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time. I had fun back then–those times playing, hanging out and chatting together with other friends. You guys were the ones who showed me what happiness really was about. You guys were the ones who gave me a memorable and unforgetable childhood. And among you guys, you (past) were the one who left one of the biggest mark in my memory. You were always there– being sweet, thoughtful and submissive (Wahah^^). You never fought with me, made me cry or made me furious. I’ve never imagined that someone like you would care for a person such as myself and I’m really grateful for that.

But you should remember, past is past. As I’ve said, it’s been four years already. I’ve moved on with my life and I’m sure you have too. So there is no point in telling me those 3 words just to let me forgive you. I’m sure you still remember the last conversation we had. And I’m sure you recall when I got mad at you. It’s petty, I tell you. I would’ve forgotten the incident all at once if you didn’t just open your big mouth there. Don’t rub it in my face on why I liked you back then. Kasi gwapo, mabait at nakakatuwa ka. I told this to you back then for a million times and I told you this a day before we had this chat. I hated it when you asked why I liked you again just because I didn’t agree that you were good looking. What I hate the most is the people who are too boastful about their looks. Yung pinagyayabang ang mga itsura nila. I just hate it! I also dislike people who can’t understand that a “Busy” status in YM means “Do not disturb me. I’m doing something important right now”. Get a hint. I know you’re bored over there but don’t bother people who tell you that they are occupied at the current moment.

So yun lang. Di ako nagalit sa iyo. Naasar lang ako dahil dun. Bati na tayo ha ^^ And get over “it”. Nangyari na ang nangyari and there’s no use going back to those times. Happy days.

Present

I really wish that I can say the same for you. Let me be honest. Di pa rin. Nandito pa rin. At parang matagal pa bago mawala.

My “Operation SDL” last 12-22-06 was a complete failure. If you’re wondering why you had a lot of figures at that time, I will confess that it was me. I did more than 3/4 of the figures you’ve seen. I tried to frame you. Why? I don’t know. Why am I telling you this? Because my conscience is seriously bugging me but I really don’t want to tell you personally.

You can never imagine what your brain does to you when you’ve been far away from a friend for a very long time. It gives out bad scenarios. It tells you that your friend hates you, wants to rip your sanity off and make you live a life of hell. It tells you that you are not wanted anymore and that all that you’ve been through together doesn’t matter at all to that friend. Yes, paranoid as it may seem, that’s what happened to me. Well, I can’t blame myself. That’s what I see anyways. I don’t matter anymore now do I? Well, I can’t blame you for that. I was not a good friend back then. And up to this moment, I still haven’t changed. Look at me, I’m here trying to frame you. Hahah, Denise is not really a nice person after all huh?

I try hard to convince myself that I didn’t waste a year and a half of my life. Well it really seems that I did. Those days were so WASTED. But up to now, I’m still dwelling over what has happened back then. Hahah. Now what?

I tried asking God whether what I’m going through now is a sign that I should stop this or if this is a test for me to carry on. I still don’t know the answer but I can’t wait any longer for it. I’m starting to feel that I’m wasting my time pondering about things. Useless and petty things. I’M STRESSED! Do you know what this means?

Stressed= eat, play, sleep

Eat, play, sleep=Unproductive=Fat! Hah! I can’t believe how much pounds you’ve been causing me. Good thing my “reasonable” thinking prevents me from resorting to drugs but I think that computer games are as highly addictive and costly as them. Great.

I don’t know the exact words to tell you… Well, I can write you a 20-page letter to tell you everything but that would just be plain unreasonable. I just want to say now that I’m sorry for everything. Yes, this letter made short is just to tell you that I’m sorry. I’ve tried so hard but I just can’t. If your forgiveness means me staying out of your life for good, then I’m willing to accept it. Okay?

Then goodbye ^^ Tapos na palanca mo.

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One Response to “Past and Present”

  1. franco Says:

    well tnx!!! have a happy year ahead!!

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